on a more morbid note...

for those who do not err... 'enjoy' 'morbid-city' please skip and go on to the rest of the blogs... anyway... i was thinking about death today... humans have always been fascinated and yet repulsed by death... presently, one of the biggest event in someone's life is a funeral... given that the fact we celebrate birth every year.. guess... one big celebration of death is in order.. after all.. u only get to die once.. hee...

well.. i have always been fascinated by death.. my first encounter was perhaps the death of my dog, den the death of my grandmother... those... i was too young to comprehend death but at the age of 11... i came to the realization that 'oh no... i will die oneday'... i remembered vividly bout that day i cried in front of my mom becos of death... i was scared of it... my mom was cooking that day and i went to ask her if everyone will die.. she said yes.. and i started to cry... ( well.. that's the short version.. haa...)

the topic of death remained in my mind like for the longest time, more den any other topics i supposed.. even up to now.. i do think about death... well... i am not scared of death now ^^ ( think it comes with the fact that I am a Christian so death is just a waypoint to me.. death will just mean 'hello Jesus! ^^) while i am not so concerned bout my own death.. i am concerned and afraid of the people around me dying.. book, movies, dramas.. whenever there is a death involved... i somehow transport myself into settings, and 'participate' in the atmosphere of feeling utterly sad and shattered... well.. i do this with like topics of love, birth and everything too i supposed... but in any case.. i noe that i am very afraid of people around me dying, even as i 'participate' in the feelings of bereavement in stories and such... i noe that death to someone close to me will shock me utterly... i can just picture myself in one now.... hmm... perhaps.. this is also one of the motivation for me to let people noe about Jesus.... oh well...

while i am scared bout people around me dying.. i am curious bout what my own death means to people.. (feel free to leave a note in a comment! hee..)... will people cry? what will they remember me as? will i even be remembered and stuff.. haa.. oh well... guess i am being too self-centred..^^ while i think about such stuff... on the other hand.. it doesnt really matter to me.. haaa... cos... i wont know it till i die.. and errr.. when i die.. i still wont know it... bleh....

which finally brings me to the topic i was thinking about while bathing today... rites and rituals... i think rites and rituals are important.. especially so in the 'celebration' of death... i use the word celebrate here cos in the christian sense, u are going to be with the Father, while on the other hand, people do sort of celebrate death with the type of pompous ceremonies... yet as i was saying.. rites allow us to focus our thoughts and feelings on the death of the person... the death will be a big blow to the one surrounding... but rites makes sure that the person move on, at least for the next few days of death.. as one is busy preparing for the funeral rites, one tend to put his emotions away (yet the inner self is still continously bereaving for the death)... we den focus on what we have to do and such... the funeral will also have it's own timing to allow individuals to release their innermost emotions and such... yet do it in a controlled manner which i think, keeps us sane and not be so consumed by our own emotions... after the whole funeral ritual... the sense of bereavement will hit us once more, but at the same time, the rituals which took so much of our time and energy, has also allowed our sorrows to flow out bit by bit... thus at the end of the ritual, the sorrow we have, i feel, is a more 'matured' and 'disciplined' one.. well... there will be times where we still lose our discipline and get totally consumed but for most of us...funeral rituals and rites will have the desired effects on us....

okok.. enuf of this morbidness... go enjoy the rest of your day.. hee..ohoh.. and remember! always show the people u treasure u treasure them before it's too late... love your family and friends and show them that u really do love them! hee..^^ with the rememberance of death, i suppse one will tend to learn to celebrate life.. ^^

argh... i think i am sick....

dry cough, sore throat block nose.... are these signs of falling ill? is they are, means that the flu bug has finally caught me.... kinda feel lerthargic and err..generally bad.. oh well... all i can do now is to eat medicine and sleep (which i tend to deprive myself though...) hee....

today.. i went to the Soukeisen or better known as the Waseda-Keio baseball game... somehow... my friends and i met at like 9 becos his japanese friend said so... so we gathered at Sendagaya at 9... and realised that the match starts at 1... well.. we realised... the japanese knew.. apparently.. it's normal... so that u can get good seats and practice cheering and stuff... but my friend and i was like 'errr.... but it starts at 1'... and to make things worse, it was raining and stuff... in anycase.. we went to the stadium, stood outside for an hour or so... and they told us it is cancelled cos of the rain....-.-" oh well...

so my friends (Hikaru and Grace) and i decided to go for lunch.. at Shinjuku.... we finally settled on this okonomiyaki restuarant... well... all i can say is... okonomiyaki is officially my favorite japanese food.. heee... i really like it. think one day i will just go on a buffet.. hee... anyway.. we tend went to Isetan cos we dun really feel like going back yet.... well.. they din feel like, me was like i wanna go back and rest... still... good that we did not go back cos we went to Isetan, and were stuck in the food section... haa.. the food there's really mouth-watering! Hikaru and me decided to stop our chewy-guming and start on food testing... well.. we ate mostly bread cos we were lost at the bread section apparently.. haa... one conclusion, which Xiaowen has concluded is... Anderson bread is nice.... it really is... soft, declicous.. yummy... haa... we den went pass a gelato restuarant where we den decided, 'ok... that's it.. we are having a break here..' so sat and eat gelato.. haa... nice...

after gelato, we left for home... well.. they left and i was on my way back when i saw this notice bout bunraku, explanation and performance.... i was about to go and take my train before it hit me.. 'BUNRAKU'.. i was 'WOAH!!'... immediately, i stopped went towards the venue and stood there for 45 minutes... Bunraku is Japanese puppetry... for those who dun noe and want to just dismiss it as 'just puppetry'.. well.. if u never seen bunraku, u never seen puppetry at it finest.. the puppets really come to life with Bunraku... they are like half a man's body size, takes 3 people to move it, has like fantastic facial expression ( the mouth, eyes, neck and eyebrows are movable.) ... in the hands of an expert ( which there was today) these dolls come alive... totally... they move with a cat-like grace and has almost complete facial expressions... well... rather den describing it fully.. try to catch a bunraku performance and i assure u.. u will be like 'woah'...

i wasted like $30 dollars...

did i tell u i wasted $30 dollars? bought a screen protector for my laptop.... so was trying to figure out how to use it.. took it out... den wham! i put the wrong film on the screen.. result... the actual one had like lotsa dust sticking to it... sigh... dust rooms sucks big time...:S well... i tried putting on that screen thing.. and yupps.. i can't get those airbubbles out! arghhh..... sigh... guess.... that screen protector is like so gone.... sigh..... so there... i wasted $30 dollars... i mite buy it again though... the screen really looks cool with that screen protector... hee..

well... school's horrid today... den again.. not really school... more like me.. sigh... i kinda think that i mite have overloaded myself in workload... thus.. not allowing me to accomplish anything.. but just getting by with everything..... the end result... as usual.. is that my studies suffer, i hate myself, i get depressed.. sigh.... i seriously thinking of why in the world is my japanese so bad... anyone out there who can give me a hint... or betta still give me a direct answer... pls tell me... i really am angry yet so lost as to how to improve.... sigh... oh well.. sorry man.. guess u people caught me in the self-pity mood.. again.. haaa....

did i say i wasted like $30 dollars?

went to this erhmm...small church yesterday... it's called Sophia church... if i remember correctly.. it is of the Anglican denomination.. anyway... i kinda prefer this church to the rest which i have been to... even though i might give the one nearby my place a try again.... well... for one thing... Sophia church are not doing those very modern 'hip' christian songs but old and tested ones.. the tunes are all familiar even though the words are very different.. (duh.. it's in japanese.. of course different..:D) still... i do prefer those.. hee.. den.. most of the people there are like young people! haaa... not a lot of japanese though.. yet... the service is in japanese.. the congregation is mainly made up of Koreans, chinese and so forth.. still.. nice atmosphere.. just that it is rather far from home but near to Waseda University... heee....

did i say i wasted like $30 dollars?

hmm...ohoh... pls feel free to leave comments.. or rather.. pls leave comments!:D hee.. changed the settings that anyone can leave a comment... so... tell me how u have been doing or tell me how to improve my japanese... bleh... tell me anything and everything.... ^^

did i say i wasted like $30 dollars?

rushing an essay.... argh... taking a break.. yeah...

rushing an essay now.... while it's only like 3 - 5 pages with no specification on font size (maybe 50? ^^), it wasnt easy for me to write... think it is becos i dun read enuf anthropologists works to make any concrete argument.. well.. the question was basically Discuess Ruth Benedict's model of Japanese culture in The Chrysanthemum and the sword with reference to the work of any anthropologist or sociologist which u are FAMILIAR with.. i was like uh oh... oh well..bo bian.. i am a student.. she gives.. i do... even if i die doing.... arghh.. lalalalaa... heee..... ^^

made a call to Boss today.. very nice to hear her voice over the phone... ^^ heee.... remember those times in JC when i used to keep bothering her with questions.. and how she will just listen quietly to watever griviences i had... she is really one good fren which i really thank God for putting in my JC life... ^^

Met Huimin online today and i was like... woah! so happy.. haa... very long neber see her online liao... so was slightly distracted from my work and chat with her for a while... well... all good things had to end and this ended when she decided that playing chess with lord Zhou is more important... ( it means sleeping.. according to Kit..:P) so.. she went to sleep... i went to do my essay.. hee..

monday blues....

monday isnt exactly the most happening to days.... especially if it is your longest day... somehow.. i got the worst time table... last periods on the mondays and fridays... sigh... no good for my morale at all.. no good no good... and to make things worse.. i have yet to start on my essay which i am to submit on wednesday.. if it is not bad enuf... i have yet to choose a topic... think this week is one of my worst weeks... 2 assignments to hand in on thursday... makes me yet again see the consequences of procrastinating.... heee... oh well... still... i noe tat everythng can de... not by my own strenght but by HIS! ^^

a sad sunday...

well.... the earthquake really took its toll on the people... so far.. think like 21 people have died, mainly the old and the kids... i watch yesterday's news that a 2 month old toddler died too... sigh.... there are also like 1900 who are injured.... think around 60000 are seeking refuge at disaster refuge centres... electricity and water is disrupted, trains derailed, roads and tracks destroy.. all in 1 day.. i am really kinda worried for my teacher teaching there... wonder if he is alright... was also watching tv just now and there were messages in which people were sending to individuals in the area to find out if they are alright... could really feel the anxiety and the agony of waiting to find out if your close ones are alright... really felt an aching in my heart... sigh...

well.... i spent my whole day today preparing for my presentation tomorrow... dunno why i so suai.. kanna such a long chapter... filled with many economic jargons oso...so have to like think it thru and put it into words easily understandable by the rest of the class.... oh well..dun really care le.... just go and do it tomorrow...

had one err.... stoopid thought just now.. when does innocence end and naviety begins.... or is innocence just a construct in which we idealised upon... since at different times, innocence is often seen as naviety.... hmm.. maybe if i got the energy to think i will go think bout it.... ^^

EARTHQUAKES!!! -.-"

well.... the highlight of the day was supposed to be outing with Yilin.. until i reached home that is... my host father was like asking me did i feel the earthquake while in the train and i was like 'huh?' well... he said apparently there was an earthquake before i reached home and logically speaking, would mean that i was in the train... i was like 'err... nope... din feel a thing...' den i went back to my room, sat down and there it was.... another earthquake.. well.... basically, with big earthquakes, there is the major quake and the several minor ones... guess the one i felt and the subsequent ones were the minor ones.. today's earthquake was centralized at Nagaouka, west of Tokyo, measuring at a high 6 on the Ritcher Scale... it was bad.. people were injured and at least 1 was killed by a falling wall.. think tsunamis a.k.a giant waves that will bring sharks to u (kidding bout the sharks.. -.-") were created since Nagaouka was a coastal province... oh well... guess we will have more of it in the news... however, one of the things which struck me was that our previous Japanese lecturer from NUS, Goh Jun Hai sensei, was teaching at a city in Nagaouka province! i hope he is ok... thinking of sending him an email.... oh well... dunno wat's with this year, earthquakes, typhoons... scary... hmmm.. think there was volcanic activity when i first arrived too.. hmm...

well... now... to the shoved-over highlight.. i went out with Yilin today! so fun!! so glad to see her and we had a great time.. at least... i did... haa... piangz... got chiobu beside me of course great time lar... haaa. anyway... we met at Ueno, walked around Ayameyokocho den had kaiten sushi for lunch... we den left for Akihabara, the electric town, and i did shopping... argh.. accessories for my little baby mac... hee... err... i din spent THAT much lar... which reminds me that i have like 30k yen left for one month.. scary... anyway... after the tiring afternoon of walking, we stopped at Exclesior Cafe and had (duh...) coffee... hee.... well... she had cocoa i had coffee but cocoa or coffee.. both the same..starts with co... o.O

a mac... it just works...^^

well.. today Naoki and me went down to the computer centre to configure his ibook to use wireles internet in school... as in everywhere else, the people there were stumped when they see a mac so immediately they brought out like a few manuals to try to configure the mac... after fiddling around... the man looked kinda distressed in helping us becos he really din noe wat to do... just den, Naoki clicked on something on the mac.... den... we had it! haa... no one knew what happened... it just worked... haaa... well.. we dun exactly noe wat happened, but as long as we are able to replicate that... it's ok with us! heee..... ^^

Carol gave me this very cute erhmm... plate today.. got this very cute dog on it! heee.. wished i can show u all but.. oh well..:P heee.... maybe one day... ^^

who am I?

sometimes i really wonder if i am trying to live the person I am supposed to be... like as if i am trying to behave like wat others percieved me to be.. but.. is tat truly me? sometimes i feel so trapped and just wanna lashed out all around me, yet... i am stopped, stopped by 'that's not the teck guan i noe' etc etc.... i really wonder wat's people's perspective of me sometimes... den i can go check out with myself is that whom i am or is that who i am trying to be... think at the same time, when i look at my friends, i never tot they have any really evil side... yet... is that true? cos i noe i do have a evil side.. ( let's do the evil laughter together.. bwahaHAHAHA!) yet... i noe that i always try to suppress it cos i dun want it to be me... at least... i try to suppress it infront of others... heee... hmmm... well... an example of an evil side of me... i always wanted to see what happens when i kick someone from the side when he is on a bicycle or motorbike.... ^^ but.. i never did it! not even in my dreams! hee...

well.. if u are reading this and think 'uhoh... is he facing some crisis?' well... nope.. heee... just a result of one lazy day... too much time on my hands... haaa... one of the answers i tot about regarding the question is.. well... the person i want to be is one which is molded by God... i really want to... but... am so afraid to... there will be things to give up, pains to bear... yet... i noe at the end of the road... I will to be one who is approved by God... oh well... slowly i supposed...

typhoon 23.... steel windows up again...

well..typhoon 23 hits Tokyo hard tonight.... the typhoons sure are scary... i never knew that it could cause so much destruction... the last typhoon like 2 weeks ago, left people homeless as their roofs were ripped off, people died from landslides, strong currents and dunno wat nots... to make things worse.. the typhoons create a shortage of food in the mountains, causing many bears to become desperately hungry enuf to come forage for food within the human settlements.. dun think they really mean to harm anyone but.... they are hungry bears.. sigh... my heart goes out to the lost lives, the lives which have been disrupted and the bears.... was watchin the news just now, apparently there was an house on a mountain which was swept off due to landslides... and there were people living in it... not sure if it was an isolated case.. a few people who were fixing stuff high above ground were oso killed as the strong winds caused them to fall to their demise.... sigh.... yet... at the disasters relief centres, where people go to take refuge during the typhoon.. u can sense a feeling of acceptance... guess it has been so much a part of their lifes.. u see old folks , some whose backs are bent and such, chatting, children playing in the refugee centres... guess.. wat doesnt kill u always make u stronger....

sometimes i wonder.....

well.. i have been learning Japanese for like err... 3 going to 4 years? well... given tat.. somehow.. i am still hopeless at this language... i got no idea why.. seriously... sigh.. this knowledge will just hit me like a brick once in a while, saying ' wat in the world have u been doing?????' den i will seriously question myself... well... i noe it has only been like a month here, but... people who studied for so long already noe how to converse! oh well.. guess everyone is different... bleh..... still.. being the human i am... i wish to see results.... FAST! argh.... the cause of this entry is becos Hikaru and me had lunch with Ayako and Mihoko today and i realised my inability (yet again) in conversing... Hikaru has been learning for a year and is doing superbly well... me... i gonna hide my head in a bin....

sigh.... another problem i discovered that the scholarship money is like gonna come in late... so mean while... gonna eat grass, drink sky water, walk... NOT! kidding lar... not that 'lang1 bei4' yet,,, haaa.... just have to watch my spending though... i refuse to ask my parents for money! sounds good sia... but seriously.. they paid enuf liao.... shhhhhh... if u reading this n noe my parents.. dun tell them ok? i really am doing ok... and they dun have means to transfer money to me since i forgot my login for my UOB internet access.. lol

and the third sigh of the nite, typhoon... yupps.. another is hitting Tokyo tomorrow.... yawnz... today's temperature is like 17-15 degrees.. think i kinda getting used to it.. body building its fortress now.. with layers of fats.. lol

the morning rush, the human clocks...

well.... during the tokyo rush hour this morning, i was with the rest of Tokyo being 'delivered' to my destination as the 'automation' of the rush hour systematically moves the crowd... as i was waiting for my turn to exit the station, i realised that the people were bobbing from left to right and back left again.. the reason for the bobbing motion is that the legs are slowly shuffliing, thus causing this effect... the other thing i realised is that everyone 'bobs' at their own pace... well... the picture of a gazillion moving clocks came to my mind and in front of me, i see many clocks moving at their own timing, in their own small little world... tick tock tick tock.... and i was one of the gazillion clocks too.... tick tock tick tock...

a cold sunday.... with the sun shining high in the sky... ii tenki desu ne!

hee... now watching this new Japanese drama 'Fufuu' (The Couple)... very nice!!!! the casts also very pretty.. haa... well... basically it is about relationships.... between a couple who has been married for 25 years ( i think), their son who has good feelings towards an older woman, the daughter who likes the subordinate of the father ( and so wanna marry him.. haa..).. the type of show i like.... ^^

a bit of synopsis of wat happened in the show today.. well... the father met up with this woman that he erhmm... has erhmm... good feelings for ( and the woman has good feelings towards him too!!)... this lady is something like a wedding planner... anyway.. they met up becos the lady wanted to return a hankichief to the father... they were talking bout normal stuff and they talked about the father's relationship with his wife... the father related an episode where the wife has him recently why did he marry her... the lady insightfully said that the wife wanted some assurance etc, like those special words ' I love you' etc... well... the father returned home and was thinking of methods to like tell the wife.. but.. haa... oh well... men... haaa.....

on the other hand, the daughter was having problems getting the father to consent to the marriage initially... one night when dating, she saw her brother kissin the older woman... think they were drunk.. then some blackmailing began.. haa... basically asking the brother to help her convince the parents....

at one part of the show, the daughter wilfully asked the mom and the subordinate to a meeting supposedly only between the father and her at the wedding planner's... the father was pretty angry and blew up, objecting to the marriage... the daughter thus wanted to leave and ask the subordinate to go with her.. but the subordinate tried to salvage the situation but... no point talking to a angry lady.. haa.. anyway.. there came this part where the wedding planner saw the daughter kneeing at a corner and told her that weddings is not only bout her and the gal alone.. but is an whole affair with everyone... and she would want everyone there to be happy for her, isnt it? at this point, the parents the the subordinate appeared, and the daughter told the parents, albiet tearfully, that she wanted to get married becos she wanted to be like her parents.... awww.... of course the parents agree.. haa....

eeeks.... i writing too much sia... haaa.. still.... the most of it... this show showcases the complications of relationships. the disattachment between the father and the rest of the family, the overworked mother etc etc.. so.. very nice.. PLEASE WATCH IT! hee....

well.... on another note... when to this church LifeJesus House today... a small church which has billingual services... the service was very Hillsong, becos the pastor was trained from there.. thus.. the congregation was mainly youths.. and many australians... well... am still praying if this is the church for me though... like said.. it's very Hillsong... haa....

after service, went with Boon to walk a bit of Ginza... tried a famous Ginza anpan (red bean bun) which was... er... mama.... (ok nia...) haa... well... cost me 2 dollars... haaa.... bleh... oops.. paiseh for the long entry... haa... but i like the show... lol

cold... and it's getting colder...

will Carolyn can continue to exclaim on using the power of her fats or her mind over body theory to protect her from the cold, i am so not gonna do tat... i will just wear a sweater or a pullover.... hee.... i feel warmer and happier... heee..... den again... maybe Carol feel happy using her 'powers' hmm..... oh well.... to each his own den... hee...

we watch excerpts of Snow White today in class... in Gender Studies class.. it really makes the seemingly innocent story of romance so much more insidious... so scary.... the human mind is capable of postulating and conjuring up things unrelated till they support whatever the person wanna says.. anyway... yupps.. the cartoon was like viewed in the gender-stereotyping way... dun really appreciate it though... not tat i dun feel there should be inequalities between sexes but rather... i rather enjoy the story... hee.... lalalala...

a normal day in school... ^^

was a pretty normal day in school i supposed.. i went for lessons... was at the library during the break reading Far Eastern Economics ( i think that's the title...-.-") den went for other lessons.. well.. tat's pretty it... school life...

the fun part of the day however, was after school (duh..) I was helping my friend do his teaching assitant 'baito' or part-time job for an English conversation class... was really fun... there were 4 japanese in my group today... Kentaro, a Senior in politics, Yae, a Senior in economics, Maya and Nao, both juniors in retailing... they are basically japanese who wanna converse in english... well.... if there is anything i can do... that is to talk rubbish in english... haa.. so i thoroughly enjoyed myself.. we were on the topics of movies and so i went on and on.. well.. not really since the objective is for them to talk..not me.... haa.. still.. hope they had have as much fun as i did.. hee...

i shifted from mblog.com cos they shut down the site... sigh.. all my posts... (T_T)

sigh... they did it... they shut down the site.. without notices! sigh... yesterday it was fine... den bam! today.. it's gone and it cost like US35 to retrieve my data... well.. i am so not gonna pay for it... so.... welcome people to my new place... hee...

well... for the choice of name... firstly... the japanese kept describing me as a bear.. well.. a cute bear tat is.. hee... dunno wat's it with me and bears so mite as well make use of it... so here i am! from a bluemoon to a stupid bear.. massive transformation... from one rarity to a erhmm.... normality? heee..

anyway... had a great day today... ^^ met up with 2 japanese friends and my Singapore friend Hikaru for lunch... the 2 japanese girls were very nice and friendly! really enjoyed talking to them.. even thought i din really chat becos of my not-so-good japanese... sigh... i really wished i can improve... but.. i really have no idea wat's wrong with my japanese... sigh.... oh well... i got 9 more months in Japan to try to figure out i supposed...^^