guilt....

how often have we often blamed ourselves on the things that happened to around us? at one point of time, i was blaming myself for not being around or not being active when things around me crumbled.... if only i had this, if only i had that... but... would things happen even if i am not involved or if i am unable to control the situation in the first place? but i am pretty sure that i will still blame myself, just to make understanding of the whole situation and perhaps, sadly to say, to elevate my self importance in my situation... still.. things have slowly changed.. true.. blaming myself is still much easier than blaming others to me i supposed... but.. where does that line ends? perhaps.. there isn't anyone to blame.. things happened because they happen... perhaps rather than blaming.. we should just focus forward... still..... never a easy thing to do... cos the guilt will just hang on, by our own choice... still... there is a way out... that's through God i supposed... He forgives us of our sins.. we go to Him with our guilt and pain.. and just resting at His feet, lying on His shoulder.. we slowly unburdened ourselves and allow Him to take control... is it a form of escapism? well.. for me... i never thought so, cause things always turn out better with the Lord taking charge....

love and fairy tales

went out with jess to watch いま会いにゆきます.. this is the second time i watched it.. and both times was a tear jerker.... even though this show is soooooo fictional.... i still devour every single bit of it and loved it.... the story was simple.. a man and his son lost their mom a year ago... however, the mom promise them that she will return a year later during the rainy season... and.... she did... though she suffered amnesia... for the rest... watch the show.. lol... well... jess was commenting to me that she couldn't find anyone to watch this show cos it's too unbelievable... but to me... unbelievable is niash! (in case u old foggies dun noe.. niash is nice... lol) dun we all wish that our love story is like a fairy tale? i know i want mine to be like one.... simple love story yet living each day with my love one as a fairy tale..:D

2 weeks of pure bliss....

bleh.. just returned from 2 weeks of pure bliss... courtesy of Step-chan! ありがとう！ if she didn't open her place for me to stay over... hmm.. i dunno what i would have done.. experience a homeless life perhaps..:D hee... well... anyway.. spent the past 2 weeks in Okazaki, a nice little town 1/2 hour from Nagoya... as much as there were attractions there to see... what i did there mainly was to spend time with old friends doing stuff together... like karaoke..:D hee... was fun goin karaoke with Step, her friends etc etc..:P hee... ohoh... and for some obscure reason... i drank more there than i ever did in my whole life put together....-_____________- not to the extent that i was drunk.. but still..;p drank almost every night.. hmm... maybe i am really becoming an alcoholic... woots..:p the next time i am back in Singapore, i am really to drink! lalalalala..:p not that we had heavy stuff though... basically beer and chu-hi (flavored alcohol drinks).. during the 2 weeks, i had the fortune of eating step's cooking...:D really very 幸せ (err.. fortunate) ah.... lol good cook, nice food, pretty host, alcohol..:D hee..;p ohoh!! step made singaporean curry!! hot and hot and hot and NICE!!! went crazy over it.. hee..:) seeing her cook that really makes me wanna cook curry too!! yum yum..:D

went to Aichi Banpaku too..:D was funnnnnnnnnn... see stuff like the Mammoth (bones..), err.. and Weiling... :P lol... went to the Singaporean pavilion and met several of my friends working there... and made several new friends working there like Weiling's 'papa' and alvin..:D nice guys! woots! surprisingly didn't spend too much at the expo.. was more of walking around looking at stuff..:) nice nice..:) still... sad that i did not get the chance to go and see totoro's house.. sigh.. wished i could see that...(T_T)

hmm... another big highlight was Weiling in Okazaki!! hee..:D was 3 days (including Banpaku 1 day) of pure fun!! 3 friends together in Japan is really cool..:D especially when each of us has a great passion of Japan...:D still.. we din spend those days running around Okazaki..:D rather.. we spent 3 days together chatting eating playing..:) for example.. we went to Minami Koen in Okazaki and spend 1 afternoon playing hopscotch...:D 1 conclusion.. dun draw big boxes..-_- and chose the second square first...:P lalalalaa..:D other things we did are err.. karaoke... drink.. eat... hmmmm....eat... lol am lookin forward to goin back to singapore really just to meet up with more friends now.. and of course to see my family..:P hee... anyway.. waiting for you all (step and weiling) at singapore arrrr..come bacccccccckkkkkk..:D hee..;p

ohoh.... during the past week, i went to Nagashima Spaland with Weiling and her colleagues to err... ride the rides..:P hee..;P i did many things i never imagined i could do..-_- i did rollercoasters, free fall, flying frisbies, astro launch....many many many rides..-_- it was my first time on all these rides.. and i screammmmmmmed... lol screaming helps to get the fear out..:p lol.... well... the rides were so effective to the extent that i no longer felt the stomach turning experience while sitting on the jumbo viking... (which i always had the wierd feelings even on the smaller ones...) there were however some drawbacks... during the night when we were sleeping... whenever i closed my eyes.. i was reliving the sensation of the rides..-_- still... i now i can take these rides..:D no heart attacks, back problems, high blood pressure, pregnancy..:D woots.